Here's to New Beginnings

Hello, again.  I am going to try this blogging thing again.  I am leaving any expectations of having readers behind. I am not doing this for anyone else.  I have been reminded two days ago what it is to be an artist.  This reminder appeared on my Facebook newsfeed.  This is what I saw and what I said regarding it.

"Yes, it is a way of life and also very rarely a way to make a living. Even some of the most famous creators' (painters/writers/poets) work did not earn/cost a lot of money until after the creator passed.
A person HAS to want to do it for the creative outlet that it is - not for large amounts of fame or money because it is most likely not to come - and for the creation's ability to touch another soul."

I am sitting here to put action behind my words.  During a small group discussion at a recent Bible Study, I was reminded that I AM a writer.  I have a way with putting words together that is descriptive and can be quite elegant.  Writing IS my outlet.  I haven't quite worked out how this is going to blend with my journal quite yet, but I will figure it out.  After all, I am creative!

It is Saturday.  That means Doctor Who and The Last Kingdom on BBC America.  I will post this and I will be back soon.

Karen

Personal Perceptions

Proverbs 21:2 (NKJV) => Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the heart.

This verse intends to remind me that if I use the human system of right and wrong, I will pretty much always be on the right side.  I can always find someone who is worse than me -- "well, at least I'm not like Soandso!".  Or I can always rationalize it away -- "I HAD TO lie.  It would have been rude to tell her how that REALLY looked on her!".  People usually see someone else's bad behavior (otherwise known as sin) as being "more bad" than their own.  It is a sliding-scale so to say.  God is consistent about what is wrong and what is right.  The same things that were sinful 3000 years ago is still sinful now and will still be sinful 3000 years from now.  He looks into our hearts to see our motivations and attitude.  Something that appears to be right, like helping another person out, could be wrong when done for selfish, self-serving reasons, like for the publicity. I need to do a quick heart check before I do something.  Is the reason I want to do this because it will help someone with a need or is it so I can get something out of it?  I do not think it is completely bad to get something out of helping someone else ... I think it's even talked about somewhere in the Bible that there are win/win scenarios.  I know that I feel better emotionally when I help someone else out with something.

Heavenly Father, thank You for being the consistent measure of what is right and wrong.  Show me where I am not seeing that in my life.  Show me ways that I can reach out and help others in a way that creates a win/win situation.  Strengthen me to do what You have put onto my heart to accomplish.  Amen.

Resurecting the Past ... Stepping Into Future

Hello again.  I can not believe it has been a year and a half since I made a blog post.  I'm sure most of my readers have forgotten about me, if I had any to begin with.  This really isn't about anyone else, though, is it?  The trend I had set out for with this blog was a lot more personal.  I am going back to that premise.  I am going to use this to record my personal Bible study (sometimes journal entry insights) and hopefully others will read it, be encouraged, and be led to comment so myself and others can also be encouraged.

This specific post is more about a reintroduction.  I am not in the midst of a specific book of the Bible.  I am using a list generated by the Logos Bible software.  The list I chose was a list focusing on hope.  I have been feeling without much hope lately.  I am trying to focus on reading my Bible more consistently.  I have been given all the advice I can tolerate about it.  I know I need to do it every day.  I know I should do it first thing in the morning before distractions and busyness can get into the way.  But if I hear that stupid Nike slogan applied to my struggle to follow through and accomplish something, I think I just may SCREAM!  Telling someone who battles with depression to "Just Do It" shows your lack of knowledge about depression, it shows your lack of attention to the personality of your so-called friend.  I am realizing that I have just such an acquaintance in my prayer circle.  I call her "acquaintance" rather than "friend" because of her insistence that if she can do it -- with 'it' being anything from praying and Bible reading daily to making it to work out at the gym regularly -- I certainly should be able to, also, since I am so much younger than she is.  But I am digressing.

I want this to be about encouraging myself and others who struggle with Major Clinical Depression, suicidal tendencies, or Bi Polar I and the roller coaster ride that is life with these disorders.  I will be using Christian / Bible references because that is where I have found the greatest support.  Beyond the obvious support of fellow believers, I find that knowing there is encouragement and support written in the Bible show me that this is not something new, I am not alone, and Jesus is there with me no matter how far down I drop.

If you would like to, read my initial post introducing the blog to see the layout I use for writing out my Bible study entries.  You can find it quickly by clicking the label "Introduction" below.  The post is titled "31 Days in Proverbs."

Sunday Randomness 7-21-13

I am really struggling this last few days with getting my Bible reading done. Today I have been struggling period.

I have been busy with a new job -- I'm doing a temp job for an Etsy company. Etsy is a home for a lot of very small businesses. A lot of home crafters have them. I am working for one. Her site is www.casephile.etsy.com and I'd love it if you checked her out and gave her some business. She makes all sorts of cases and cozies around all sorts of things. Right now I am helping her with earbud cozies. Yes, I am wrapping earbud headphones in knitting. Its worked in as I knit. I get piecework on it so I'm setting aside projects to work on this -- not that I had much I could work on.

I am struggling today because I can not get motivated to be doing anything. I have the posts started for my "31 Days in Proverbs" series, but I am just not getting any insights into the verses. I have had problem all day getting motivated and staying on task. 

For the Love of a Brother

Proverbs 17:17 (NKJV) => A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.

This verse isn't referring to just my blood relative brother, which I am grateful for. Maybe others feel this way about their family members but I just never was close to my family and hard times seem to drive them farther away. There is hope though. I have friends that have become like a second family to me. They are my life proof of this verse. They cared for me through my deepest depression and have become closer through the car accident we had in February. Others have stepped up through this, too, and have become like sisters.

Heavenly Father, thank You for the friends I have that are like family to me. I appreciate them greatly. As I complete this transition from my day program to college, help me to seek support from them in a way that is not over draining for them. Help me to see where else I can form these close relationships. Help me, Jesus, to have this kind of relationship with You. You died for me because you love me. Help me to spend time in appreciation with you. Amen.

Sweet as Honey

Proverbs 16:24 (NKJV) => Pleasant words are like honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.

This verse is convicting me about how I speak to, or don't speak to, others and myself. I know the power of uplifting, positive comments. I need to be more generous with them. I need to be speaking the uplifting words that I want to hear. I need to stop my negative self-talk. I need to remember to be more kind. I should be sharing positive comments of appreciation more.

Holy Spirit help me to be a kinder, more appreciative person. Help me to get over my anxieties and tell others what I appreciate about them. Foremost though, I need Your help to start being more appreciative and positive with myself. For as little as I compliment others, I compliment myself even less. Jesus, help me to see myself and others with Your eyes. Amen.

A Matter of Heart

Proverbs 15:13 (NKJV) => A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

This verse is talking about being happy or sad is a matter of my heart condition. At first I was having trouble with this verse. I have to battle with depression. I want to be happy, somedays I just can not. After some meditation and conversation with Jesus, I realize this isn't about my depression -- that is another discussion on spiritual warfare -- but about the overall matter of my heart. When I am in a good place, I am outwardly happy and cheerful. When I let the little things begin to bother me, that spirit of joy is broken. I am in a sorrow-filled place and have to fight even more.

Heavenly Father, thank You for the time I spent with You today. Thank You for the clarification of how this verse can be applied to my life, Holy Spirit. Help me to always see how the condition of my emotions has such a profound effect on my outward appearance. Thank You for the reminder that my emotional shape is never really out of view. Amen.

Being a Wise Builder

Proverbs 14:1 (NKJV) => The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.

This verse is about the ability I have to choose whether I will be lifting up or tearing down others. I need to be sure I remember that, especially with my family. I need to be a source of encouragement and love to my husband and my children. 

Holy Spirit, help me to always be a wise woman and lift up my family and friends.

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

Proverbs 13:4 (NKJV) => the soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich.

This verse is speaking to me the difference between Dreamers and Achievers. THere is nothing wrong with dreaming. A key to anything humans have accomplished is the fact that, at some point, someone asked and dreamed a possibility. My point tonight is there has to be a time where 'the rubber meets the road' and actions turn dreams into realities. I dream of a better and closer relationship with Jesus. I know (and this verse reminds me) that unless I put my actions into my desire, I will remain with nothing but dreams. If I consistently seek Jesus, I will receive God's riches.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for this reminder that my desires are nothing without actions put behind them. Holy Spirit, help me to be better with spending time with You. Help me, Jesus, to see the actions you want me to take to be consistent and spread Your wealth. Amen.

Depression and the Word

Proverbs 12:25 (NKJV) => Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.

I don't know how much more straightforward this can be, I know from experience with anxiety attacks and depression. I have had crippling attacks of fear so great I had to fight to breathe. By surrounding myself with positive people who lift me up, I have turned the depression around and have made the attacks not as severe or as frequent. In the therapies I have been receiving, there have been decades of scientific research coming to the same conclusion that Solomon had centuries ago. This verse tonight is speaking to me as a praise to God that the burden of anxiety and depression can be lifted. It all comes down to whom I choose to surround myself with.

Heavenly Father, tonight I thank You and praise You that the burden of Anxiety and Depression are not the strangling chains that my friends and I once experienced them to be. I thank You, Lord, for the friends and supporters that I have found to walk with me through the difficult times of my days. Holy Spirit, help me to always remember, above all and anyone else, You are my greatest and most powerful support of all. Amen.

Generosity to Share

Proverbs 11:25 (NKJV) => The generous soul will be made rich, And he who waters will also be watered himself.

I need to remember that I should be as generous as I can. Not just with money -- which I have little of -- but also with my time, friendships, or even just a smile to a stranger I pass on the street. I was reminded of this today as I rode home from an appointment. I need to be more friendly and not always so absorbed into my headphones. My smiles are free and it may be all the more pick-up that some people need (like myself!) to turn around a 'less than' day. I also need to remember that smile is a two-way street. I will feel better by helping someone else's day go well.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the lesson you taught me today about extending myself. Help me to remember that I will be 'watering myself'' when I 'water' the spirit of others.  Holy Spirit, help me to always keep my kindness at the front and help me to be Your light into others life. Amen.

Being Random Tonight

Tonight isn't going to be one of my regular posts. I was hoping to be a little random-like and just write. I was hoping for some feedback about what you think about my blog. I know my posts may not leave a lot of ground on which to comment. I thank you, Friends, who have tried to comment for me. I would like to take this opportunity to make a post that you can feel free to comment. I would love to get some feedback from you about what you think of my blog now that its a week old. {wow, already?}

I was once advised by a friend to be sure I don't "share my disease" and use the word 'we' when I am sharing about something. I hope this doesn't come across as being self-centered in my writing. I feel it is right to say in Bible study because it is a very personal experience and exchange between a person and God. My reactions to verses are different than what you may take from the same ones. In fact, with writing these realizations down, I am seeing that I am not reacting to the same verses the same way myself. I have highlighted passages that, while moving to me at one point, aren't what God is trying to get through to me right now. So please, reread my posts. I'm not saying it for any sort of numbers - I truly want you to get the most out of this and would absolutely love to hear that you are reading along with me. I would love to hear how God is using other verses in the chapter to speak into your life.

Tomorrow and Sunday I will catch back up with the 31 Days of Proverbs. Tomorrow I'll be reading and making two posts from Proverbs 11 and 12. Sunday will be two posts from Proverbs 13 and 14.

 I will see you again.
Karen

Get the Point

Proverbs 10:17 (NKJV) => He who keeps instruction is in the way of life, But he who refuses correction goes astray.

I am supposed to keep to the lessons of the Bible. The things I learne from the Bible will help me to keep to the correct path in life. If I don't learn and remember the purposes of what is said in the Bible, I will easily lose my way.

Holy Spirit help me to always remember the life lessons I learn from reading the Bible. Help me to always see how these words of wisdom can be applied to my life. Help me to not go astray. Amen.

Walk This Way

Proverbs 9:6 (NKJV) => Forsake foolishness and live, And go in the way of understanding.

Solomon is starting to transition. He is still writing about wisdom but he is beginning to introduce the foolish man into his work.

I need to work at being less foolish. I need to be more aware of what choices I am making. I really need to be aware when I am not making choices. When I stop making my own choices and therefore make others make them for me, I am acting foolishly. I am not acting with understanding. I am usually acting out of fear. God did NOT give me a spirit of fear. (2 Timothy 1:7)

Heavenly Father, thank you for giving me understanding about my decision making. Holy Spirit guide me away from the foolishness this world has to offer me. Help me to understand Your ways are the ways of understanding. Show me the pathway to life. Amen.

The Fear of the Lord

Proverbs 8:13 (NKJV) => The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way And the perverse mouth I hate.

This verse is out of a section where Solomon is writing as the voice of Wisdom. It has declared that wisdom comes from fear of the Lord. This verse explains what 'Fear of the Lord' looks like.

I need to remember what it is to fear the Lord. I need to be sure I am doing what I say I should be doing. I need to try harder with my thoughts and words. I do not want to be seen as prideful or arrogant.

Holy Spirit, thank You for Your help improving my self-worth. Please help me to be sure to never go too far into pridefulness or arrogance. I want to fear You correctly. Amen.

If You Love Me

Proverbs 7:1-2 (NKJV) => My son, keep my words, and treasure my commands within you. Keep my commands and live, and my law as the apple of your eye.

These verses are an introduction to another chapter about the nature of the sin-filled adulterer. I caught these verses today because they reminded me of some quotations later, in the New Testament. Jesus was talking to His followers (this includes us!) and said, 'If you love Me, you will do as I command.'

I really need to take the 'Keep my commands and live,' to heart. The commands of God are not meant to control me. He is a very loving Father. As such, He sets boundaries in order to keep me safe. Like a small child, left to my own means, I will inevitably stumble into something harmful.

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your love and care about my life and safety even when I don't. Holy Spirit help me to remember what I have read and learned about Your desires about how I should live. I do love you, Jesus. Amen.

Busy as ... an Ant?

Proverbs 6:6-9 (NKJV) => Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her ways and be wise, Which having no captain, Overseer or ruler, Provides her supplies in the summer, And gathers her food in the harvest. How long will you slumber, O sluggard!

These verses are praising the wisdom of the ant colony. Without calendars or anyone to tell them what to do, ants gather food all the time. They seem to be storing away food for the winter when it is too cold to leave the colony. I am to work like an ant. I am to prepare for tomorrow as well as take care of today. I have heard the comparison between taking on a very large project and an aut building a new colony. Take it one grain of sand at a time and keep pushing on.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the example of the ants. Help me to not be lazy but diligent in every task I need to do. Help me, Holy Spirit, to know where to get my daily needs taken care of, as well as knowing when to store away for the future, no matter how large the activity may seem. Amen.

What ARE We Doing?

Proverbs 5:21 (NKJV) => For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, And He ponders all his paths.

throughout this whole chapter, Solomon is warning his son about the temptations of women other than his wife. But in the midst of this speech, he stops and gives this statement. When I read this verse, I thought of my earlier conversations with friends. I had told them that I wonder if God ever looks down from Heaven and asks Himself what we are doing as a body of Christ. We are split into denominations that argue over "important" things like which days are holy and how a service is to be held. I had the thought about a comment a pastor once said, that he had seen a church 'family' break apart because they couldn't agree on a carpet color. How much more are we, as God's Family, fighting over 'the color of a carpet' or 'the texture of the wallpaper'?

Lord please help me to remember what Your priorities are and what is just carpet and wallpaper. Amen.

Trail Signs

Proverbs 4:10-13 (NKJV) => Hear, my son, and receive my sayings, and the years of your life will be many. I have taught you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in right paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, and when you run, you will not stumble. Take firm hold of instruction, do not let go; Keep her, for she is your life.

I need to listen for the voice of God and receive what He is saying. I need to remember the wisdom I have already learned and the 'trail signs' I know. I need to rest assured that when I walk in God's will I will not stumble and even when things seem to be moving very fast, He will not let me fall.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the reassurances Your word gives to me. When I do as You desire for me, my path will be made clear. I will strive to walk with confidence -- not only physically but spiritually as well. Holy Spirit help me to hold my head high. Amen. 

The Value of Wisdom

Proverbs 3:13-15 (NKJV) => Happy is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding; For her proceeds are better than the profits of silver, and her gain than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.

I will be able to find more happiness seeking wisdom than pursuing worldly wealth. The seeking knowledge and wisdom are more valuable to me than any of the 'things' of the world. I am to avoid being materialistic.

Holy Spirit be with me as I make decisions about how to use my money. Help me to make wise stewardship choices. Help me to always seek You and Your knowledge and wisdom before material comforts. Amen.