My regularly scheduled social life has officially returned from the holiday break. Last night our home-based, small group, Bible study group started getting together again. This morning, I got together with other ladies from our church to knit and crochet prayer shawls. One question that gets asked a lot in these situations (mine no different) and during holiday parties, too, is "What have you been up to?" That question has often been troublesome for me in some situations. Admittedly, those situations are often holiday parties with people who only have a passing acquaintance with me. The question brings up evaluations of transparency. How well do I know the asker? Do they seem truly interested in what interests me or are they making superficial small talk?
Like I said about visibility back on December 26th, I want to be as transparent and authentic as I can. Some situations, regrettably, almost require that I am not. Despite all the work to counter it, there still is a big stigma about mental illness and the people who suffer from it. Unfortunately, some do not understand that the human brain is just like any other organ and can suffer chemical imbalances or deterioration. Just because there is no cast or brace on my body, it doesn't mean I don't also have to deal with big struggles to get to some place. I won't get into it now, though. I have kind of wandered off the trail a little. If you'd like to read more about it, you are welcome to go through my back postings with the links to the right side there.
The people asking me about my activities these past holidays are the ones that are truly interested in what I have been doing and aren't completely unaware of what it sometimes takes for me to make it out to do things. This is particularly true of my Friday night LifeGroup gathering. For two years now, these people have prayed for and with me. I have talked about some of the struggles I have with my Bipolar I and particularly the Major Clinical Depression associated with it. Like I said, some places I should have felt safe enough to talk about my depression have been closed off with prejudices and total disinterest in understanding.
I have been all over the place yet no place so I am going to cut the chaos and head to bed. Today has been International Hot and Spicy Food Day! See you tomorrow! Maybe then I can make sense!
Saturday, January 16, 2016
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It is hard at times wondering if the person is just asking cause its small talk. We do know those that are asking cause they do want to know as you said. It can be hard for some people more than others as well. Trust is a tough part. I also love the small group. We know its private whatever is shared. That is what makes it easier. Knowing each other helps as well. Its not small talk t personal growth. Love you so much my heart.
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